1londonwasteland

Night Geeks

Nightclubs are loud. Very loud. So loud, in fact, that talking is largely impossible and anything other than screaming at deafening volume in to someone’s ear results in "What? Say that again?". Now picture this happening to you: You’re drunk. You don’t know how it happened, you swear you only had ten pints of beer and three double-shots, but it’s happened. How very strange. Walls seem far away, ugly girls seem oddly attractive. When you walk it seems as if the room is bending around you and it feels weird–and then you arrive on the dance-floor and try to speak to a girl. The girl looks at you with a bemused expression that makes little sense. You can tell she can’t hear you, and so you try to shout louder and louder–

Now, that’s the reason I don’t like nightclubs in general. You get a hundred people all trying to shout over already very loud music, and you have one big ear-bashing mess. And it would be OK if you could hold a conversation in the quiet part of the club, but there’s a problem with that too: it isn’t quiet. No, all the people who were sick of the noise have come here and made it noisy. When you get fifty people whispering in the same place they may as well be shouting.

I know that some of you will be screaming at the screen now, thinking Me a berk, and I have no line of defence, so feel free to attack me at will: yes, I understand that Nightclubs are not called conversing clubs. I get that you go there for fun, not swapping stories. But does that mean there can’t be one quiet place? I’d like to think that someone sometime might try and help us night geeks out for those times we actually want to tell someone about those permanent vet jobs that we have just applied for!

BBQ Right

I like an old proper BBQ me. I’m talking about the sturdy, decent, made-out-of-brick kind that my grandad built with his bare hands. The basic kind which is almost prehistoric, but works perfectly well. I ask you dear reader: what is wrong with that?

But there is an enemy, of course, and it is in every garden centre throughout the modern world. It’s what the Green Goblin is to Batman: it is the dreaded gas BBQ, of course. The intruder. The high-spec, instantly-starting machine that will eventually drive the good old-fashioned BBQ in to the ground. I hate this contraption! Which is why, whenever I am in a garden centre, I will happily walk over to people looking to buy one of these machines and start putting them off and telling them whatever it takes to get them to listen. As they stare at me oddly, I make out I am a man with expertise on the matter and then I begin to fill their heads with tales of old-fashioned BBQs and why they should stick with a brick one. Nine times out of ten it works a treat! Sometimes I am intercepted by an employee who knows my face, but I have learnt to run fast away from them. Fitness is a necessary evil when you are defending such greatness. It’s a small price to pay.

I bet some of you are now asking “but what is it that you really have against the gas BBQ? It’s efficient, it’s quick and it’s good. Why do you loathe it so?” Well, that’s as may be, but it doesn’t change the fact that it ruins a BBQ experience. Think of the children people! Think of all the poor children forced to grow up with a gas BBQ. Now remember the days before gas–see what I am saying?

Speaking of awesome times with friends: news on the holiday, I have finally been able to figure out what everyone is going to owe me for the Caravan insurance for our holiday this October. Please make an effort to get this to me by Tuesday so I can get it sorted out before we are ready to leave.

Why it’s necessary to Write Your Goals Down

We all have goals. For all of us, there are certain things in life that we want to accomplish, whether that is financial goals, career goals, personal goals, or romantic goals. But for some, reaching your goals is sometimes too difficult and often forgotten.

To reach your goals, one important element is to be aware of your goals on a daily basis, not just in passing or as a fleeting thought. You must always be aware of these goals; if not, you are sure not to realise them. So, to visualise your goals daily, it is necessary to write them down. Make a list of what you want to accomplish and place it somewhere so that you will see it every day, such as your fridge or your night table. You must begin every day trying to achieve your goals, even if your goals are long term.

On your list, explain what you want to accomplish, and why. Explain to yourself why this goal is important. Also, include a time-line. For example, if you want to reach a certain level of employment, write down each promotional goal and when you want each stage to be completed by. This will give you a constant idea of how your progress is coming along.

One thing that has proven to be successful is to create a picture board that goes with your goals. Simple magazine cut-outs of your goals will help you visualise what your goals are and keep them from disappearing in your mind (for example a man in a business suit sitting at a large office desk overlooking the city can represent your career goals, or a picture of your dream house if that is what you want).

Keeping your goals fresh in your mind and reminding yourself every day of their importance are key factors to actually obtaining your goals.

For Good Reason

I don’t like flying. It’s unnatural, expensive, leaves a gigantic carbon-skidmark and is downright dangerous. But the chief reason I don’t like flying is because of the seating situation: the fact that you can end up next to a really, really annoying person through no fault of your own. It really puts a damper on your travel plans, well before you get there.

I have this theory about how things would be if we had complete control and, as a species, gave things a bit more consideration before we jumped in with both feet: in a perfect world, my perfect and most excellent world which nobody would have any say in but me, every single person who got on an aircraft / train / anywhere transportable, would be vetted for annoyingness so that annoyingness could not be allowed to happen. And also just vetted in general. People who liked football teams (the same ones) would be forced to sit together and talk about all their favourite things (but not people who might get fanatical and drunk, of course, which could easily happen), and people who were exact opposites of one another and hated the very matter of each others being and had done from a very early age, would be made to sit at other ends of the plane. By doing this everyone involved would have a pleasant flight. But that’s not how it is, is it? No. In my experience, it seems as if the airline has gone out of their way to put people of differing opinion / weight / personality / attitude / political standing together. Because of this you get rows crammed full of vegetarians / hardcore carnivores and old women with a penchant for young men next to young men of a nervous disposition. Something has to be sorted out sooner or later, clearly!

Before I go, I need to have a little bit of a gloat. I have just bought the most gratifying running shoes that I have ever owned. London Marathon, here I come!

Trip-Hop Hooray!

I have been a big fan of Trip-Hop for many years now and I thought it was high time I searched online for any groups I have previously overlooked…

After donning my investigation slippers and trawling through You Tube, I came up with several bands worth a mention. How I actually hadn’t heard anything by some of these is a little bit embarrassing. I have a tendency to find a really good album by a certain group and then proceed to play it to death. This is all well and good, but you can miss out on a lot of other equally good music in the meantime. The last time this happened was with ‘Third’ by Portishead; and I fear it may now be occurring again… I have just got my mitts on ‘Heligoland’ by Massive Attack you see…

Hybrid are well worth checking out; especially if you enjoy trippy choons. ‘Wider Angle’ is a very good album with tracks that range from Ambient, through Trance and out into a Down Tempo blend of Trip-Hop.

Another interesting group is Boards of Canada. These guys are really weird. If everyone had a listen to ‘Music has the Right to Children’ then no-one would ever feel a need to take drugs. I’ve heard loads of stuff by similar bands, but this is one of the strangest albums I have come across… ever.

And if that is not enough for you to check out, then have a listen to Alphawezen. Their ‘Comme Vous Voulez’ is a marvelous piece of work. I’d put it right up there with the likes of Portishead, Air, Massive Attack or Morcheeba.

One more band who are well worth a nosey are, Glideascope. I don’t know if I like all the tracks on any of their albums, but they have recorded quite a few really good songs.

I just found this great company who agreed to give us a deal on the Packaging Solutions for the band. Check out the portfolio and let me know what you all think about their previous work.